It was just a few weeks after having my fourth baby that my back completely went out. Just existing was incredibly painful, let alone nursing a newborn and dealing with 3 other kids 4 and under.
As I sat on the couch, tears streaming from my face as my children ran rampant through the house and my baby tried to latch, I wondered if I had made a mistake.
Was I even capable of raising 4 small kids so close together?
I had had 4 kids in under 5 years–while still working part-time–and I just didn’t see how I was going to be able to keep my head above water, let alone grow and acheive my goals.
Whether you have 1 kid or 6, being a mom is tough. The moment you become a mom, suddenly your entire existence revolves around caring for your child. How you sleep, eat, and live is suddenly completely at the mercy of this tiny little person.
And that’s just one kid.
So how do you manage multiple kids without losing your mind?
I’m here from the trenches to tell you that not only can you survive 4 kids 5 and under, you can actually thrive.
I know that look you’re giving me. It’s the look I get every time I go to Costco with my gaggle of energetic kids. While every day is not unicorns and rainbows (unfortunately), raising 4 kids 5 and under can actually be an absolute blast.
But it doesn’t just happen on it’s own. It takes discipline, planning, and prioritizing YOUR health.
11 TIPS TO SURVIVING & THRIVING WITH 4 KIDS 5 AND UNDER
1) Make your health a priority. No excuses.
This is most important thing you can do, and yet it’s the first thing to go when overhwlem hits.
When you get on an airplane, the flight attendant always goes through that spiel where they remind you that in case of an emergency to put on your own mask before helping anyone else.
This absolutely applies to motherhood.
So many moms put their needs last, afraid to take care of themselves thinking it will take away from their kids. But it’s not a win-lose game where if you are focusing on yourself, your kids are missing out.
It’s actually the opposite: The better care you give yourself, the better equipped you are to take care of your family.
In other words, it’s win-win.
You can’t give your kids everything if you are running on empty. Take care of yourself mentally and physically and you can become even better.
2) Get enough sleep.
Okay, stop laughing. It actually is possible. But it’s not going to happen on it’s own. It’s gonna take some effort (here’s some strategies to get better sleep).
Have you ever been so exhausted after you put the kids to bed that you can’t do anything but sit and zone out? So you sit in front of the TV and binge-watch a show for 3 hours because you can’t muster the energy to actually go to bed.
Then, the kids wake you up the next day and you are totally crabby because you are exhausted?
Oh boy, been there and done that.
Or have you ever stayed up late to clean because it’s the only way you can keep you house from looking like an episode of Hoarders? That’s productive, right?
Let’s break this down: sleep is 100% linked to basically every part of your health (weight, energy, level, skin etc). It’s also directly correlated to the amount of patience you have.
Think about it: if you were bleeding profusely, you wouldn’t be like “Oh, let me just finish these dishes and then I’ll go get something to take care of this bleeding.” You would take care of the bleeding immediately.
If you are seriously sleep-deprived, sleep is the most important thing you can do.
3) Wake up before your kids.
Waking up before your kids will supercharge your productivity and give you important “me time” when you are energized.
Call me crazy, but I wake up at 4:00am most mornings. Oh, and I am NOT a natural morning person. But once I started doing this, it changed my whole life.
I find that waking up early, exercising, and getting a few thing done before my kids are awake honestly makes me feel like there are more hours in the day. For tips to wake up early, check out these 9 fail-proof tips.
4) Set your intentions in the mornings.
You can do anything, but you can’t do everything. This is especially true for moms. You’ve got a million things coming at you at once and little people to keep alive.
So how can you manage your home, family, AND prioritize your health? At the start of your day, you’ve got to determine what the most important things you can accomplish today. Where will your focus be?
This can take many forms:
- to-do lists
- visualization
- journaling
- talking it out with your spouse
The key is to decide, right off the bat, what is important in your day.
For example, if my goals for the day are to be an attentive mom and to get some meal prepping done, then a dirty house or an unexpected phone call wont throw me off. I’ll snuggle my hurt child and know that I’ll get to the house on another day. I’ll find a way to end the call and get back to making meals.
5) Exercise.
Exercising does wonders for mental and physical health. It boosts your mood and gives you more energy throughout the day. Even 20-30 min a few times a week can make a huge difference.
As a mom, your average day is like an olympic event, so working out is like conditioning to mentally and physically handle your long busy days. If you have trouble getting motivated, check out these 3 fail-proof tips to get motivated to workout.
6) Pick your battles wisely.
Every day, you are faced with a million different challenges. But you decide which are worth even dealing with.
You can’t do it all, but you can do what is important and valuable to YOU.
For example, I do not battle over my kids clothes and hair. It does not affect my happiness one bit. Instead, the fact that they dress themselves from about age 2 and on makes my life considerably easier.
Do they look like they were dressed by a blind druggie? Sure! But they love having control and autonomy over how they look. And I skip any battle over brushing their hair or making sure they match.
(Note: We do “brush our hair for Jesus” so they look presentable at church.)
On the other hand, I am really concerned about creating healthy eating habits. Therefore, I put a lot more energy and effort into preparing healthy foods and encouraging them to like things that are good for their bodies.
Pick your priorities and let go of the rest.
7) Shower & get dressed every day.
Showering and getting dressed for the day will make you more productive and efficient.
Mind you, “dressed for the day” does not mean you need to be ready for the Oscars or Instagram. It means you are clean, clothed (in not pajamas), and have brushed your teeth.
This shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes. Remember, dry shampoo is a busy mom’s best friend!
8) Give individual attention & snuggles to each child daily.
Having 4 kids 5 and under means that this takes some thought. But this goes a LONG way to create a happy home.
Lot’s of snuggles make happier kids. And crabby kids make for a crabby and frustrated mama.
Remember, most crabby kids don’t need a lecture: they need a good long hug. More snuggles usually translate into a happier day.
9) Live by the 1-minute rule.
This is simple: If a task will take only 1 minute or less to complete, do it right away.
Whether it’s putting something away, responding to a text, throwing away junk mail, or making a doctor’s appointment, do it immediately.
This gives you 2 boosts: you get the satisfaction of getting something done plus it creates momentum to accomplish more tasks. And it keeps small tasks from building up and becoming overwhelming.
10) Use the “10 minute clean” philosophy.
When you have huge messes to clean and no time (i.e. every moment of your life), this strategy is perfect. Especially when you’ve just put the kids down for bed.
Muster whatever strength you have for just 10 minutes and do a whirlwind clean. It’s amazing what you can accomplish in 10 minutes of focused effort.
It’s usually enough to get areas of your house in good enough shape to feel fine moving on to an essential task or going to bed (see #2).
11) Declutter, declutter, declutter.
The more things you have, the more messes you have to clean up. So the more clutter you have, the more time it takes to manage it.
My favorte decluttering stratiegy: Marie Kondo’s The Magical Art of Tidying Up
This book literally changed my life. Not only did we get rid of 1/3 of our possessions and make hundreds of dollars selling stuff, but it made my home a million time easier to manage (and more pleasant to be in!).
FOUR KIDS 5 AND UNDER IS TOTALLY DOABLE
Having 4 kids 5 and under doesn’t have to mean living in survival mode. Making small changes to your routine, prioritizing your health, and focusing on what’s important will allow to to actually enjoy life.
You’ve got this, mama!
Melanie says
Is there something wrong with me that I feel like you’re thriving better with 4 than I am with 2. Though as I write this I realize that the fact that I even made the comparison is probably my first problem. Anyways… I’m totally doing the Marie Kondo tidy up soon, and I can feel the weight lifting already ?
Erin says
I am so excited for you!
Sushma says
Thank you for educating me about upbringing children and also considering mother’s health too. I think similar comments are made by readers
Erin says
You’re so welcome, Sushma!
Jennifer says
Hello Erin! I am a fellow blogger, and because of your helpful content and design, I am nominating you for the Liebster Award! It is an award for up and coming bloggers given by other bloggers. I have reviewed many, MANY blogs. You are one of my picks! If you are interested in learning more, please follow this link: http://noperfectparentsallowed.com/liebster-award/
Happy Blogging!
Jennifer
Erin says
Hi Jennifer! That is so very kind of you to nominate me. Thank you for checking out my blog!
Romina Gómez says
This is just perfect for me right now. I opened a summer school at my house (here in Chile is summer and kids are on vacations) and from monday to friday I have to take care, feed, prepare fun and educational activities for my two girls and other 5 kids. Its suuuuuuper fun, but i get exhausted, specially because i’m pregnant and in any time my baby is coming. But your tips will help me this weeks before that time comes. I know that getting dressed and wake up before kids work!! it is magical, is like we prepare and put our super hero suits before we start saving the day. Thank you very much, take care and keep sharing this tips!!
Erin says
Wow, you’re a rock star! Congrats on the pregnancy. Thank you so much for the feedback!
Julieta Saling says
Very helpful content.
Barbara says
How do you get enough sleep and then wake up at 4am with 4 kids so small? It is not meant to be a criticism, but a genuine question. Do the kids wake up at night? Does someone else go to them and you sleep? And when do you have time to exercise? Does someone else take care of your children when you do it?
Erin says
Hi Barbara. These are all great questions. First off, I don’t always get enough sleep. And my life is certainly not perfect and neither am I. But I’m pretty militant with my time and priorities. I’ve found that making my health a priority (sleep, exercise, eating healthy) makes everything else go about a million times better. I’ve found that doing those things helps me manage my time and be on my A-game. Which means that ultimately, it saves me time. So I sure as heck try to get sleep even if that means cutting out other stuff I’d really like to do (while I totally miss it, I hardly ever watch TV and limit social media because I’ll get sucked in). I usually get my babies to sleep through the night by 7 or 8 months. But will still be woken up at night sometimes (inevitable with 4 little kids). Which is why I try to start getting ready for bed after I put them down. My husband sleeps like the dead so, yes, I am the one who gets up when needed (and I’ll be honest, I usually just let the kid crawl into bed with me so I can keep sleeping). And right now I’m not so militant about when I wake up (rarely at 4:00am these days) because I want to get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. As long as I have time before my kids are up, I’m good. As for exercising, I’ve always had to do it before my husband leaves for work or with my kids (workout videos or running with a running stroller). But I finally invested in a gym membership last year at a gym with a wonderful kid’s club and that has been GOLDEN.
Katie says
I love everything about this article. Your writing style, practical advice and humor was delightful. Thanks for this post!
Erin says
Aw, thanks Katie!
Melinda says
This has been a great read! Thank you.
We currently have 2 under 2 with a small business (Digital Media & Video Production) not yet 2 also. We are thinking of making the dive for bubba number 3, and don’t know if we will stop there. Four little precious ones has been our discussion from when we planned our other two. But this has helped me feel like, with some prioritising and organisation, we can do it. Thank you for the motivation and help to identify my
“Should’s into Must’s” (a great YouTube motivation talk)
Erin says
So glad you liked it! And yes, it’s totally doable…if you don’t mind a little chaos 🙂 Good luck!
Camille says
I’ve got 4 kids that are now 2 to 8. And I can manage lots, but I CAN’T handle how flipping loud and energetic they are! Holy cow! The running through the house, the screaming, the “Mamamamamamamamamamamamaamamama!” Ugh. That’s where my biggest failure is.
Erin says
I feel ya, Camille. Especially once you get to the end of the day when your nerves are a bit frayed and suddenly your kids have this manic energy. It’s really really hard to keep your cool!
My strategy in that moment (ideally–def not perfect) is to channel their energy out of the house and into our backyard 😊 and find ways for me to calm down a bit. I usually will suddenly need to go the the bathroom and insist I go alone. A few minutes to myself to reset can usually give me what I need to restore some patience and handle the kids until I can pass the baton to my partner.
Joanna says
Just came across this post at the perfect time.. just had our 4th on 3/3 and our oldest just turned 5 on 3/7. 🥴 It’s already crazy and my husband & I feel like we’re gearing up for battle everyday but it’s all worth it. I’ll be sharing your tips & tricks with my husband tomorrow 😃
Erin says
Hi Joanna! So glad to hear you found this helpful. Oh, everyday is TOTALLY like gearing up for battle because there are no breaks and you have no clue what might happen lol. But it is, indeed, so incredibly worth it. Right now, my kids are aged 4-8 and it’s actually awesome. Everyone’s potty trained, they play super well together (they’re “besties” as they say 😊), and my older kids are sooooo helpful. Hang in there. It gets better pretty quickly!
Joanna says
Ah thank you!! It’s always nice & reassuring to hear it actually does get (somewhat) easier!
Holly says
Would you do a decluttering post with after pictures? Sometimes I feel l don’t know where a good balance is and what types of toys ( and other possessions) are good to keep).
Erin says
Hi Holly! Thanks for the suggestion. What specifically makes it hard to know what too keep/get rid of?
Andy says
I’m in this spot right now, and I would love to make things easier. But I just don’t understand how you get a full night’s sleep, wake up at 4am, and keep the house clean enough? How do you keep the other 3 kids occupied while you’re giving one attention and snuggles? How do juggle everything with 4 kids hanging off you and needing something all the time?
Erin says
Hi Andy. You’re totally right that doing all that stuff can sound impossible. It’s a balancing act of focusing on the most important stuff and building in routines & habits that make it easier to do those things. Full disclosure: I don’t wake up that early anymore. But during the time with my kids 5 and under, it was literally the only time I could have to myself and workout. So I did that. Its was the best things for my sanity and schedule at the time. I didn’t (and don’t currently) always get a full night’s sleep, but making it a priority makes a huge difference in my efforts…and my mood.
When it comes to daily snuggles, it’s often looking for those organic opportunities that pop up during the day. If you can’t get one on one snuggles during the day, bedtime is the perfect time to get in a few minutes of snuggles before they sleep. As for keeping kids busy, I’m a HUGE proponent of teaching kids to entertain themselves and provide a lot of opportunity for open-ended play (i.e. having open-ended toys, teaching independence etc).
Hope that helps.
– Erin
Nadesh Esame says
Really needed this.
What an Inspiration. Sure things are taking a new shape in my home.
Thank you and God bless you!
Erin says
So glad to hear that, Nadesh!
Kristina says
I love this!! I have four kids 1,2,4,5 and oh ma gosh! The worst is being sleep deprived, it sounds like somehow magically you’ve figured out how to have them all sleep without waking up and waking each other up 5+ times a night?
Erin says
Well, I’m not sure it was magic lol. There certainly was sleep deprivation at times. Kids would be up periodically, but overall, they all slept pretty well once they hit about 6 months. For me personally, sleep training was a blessing and helped give my kids good sleep habits. I also found that having them share rooms really cut down on wakings. While it’d take a week or two to adjust to a new bedroom situation, I found that once they adjusted, they actually slept better I think because they’d wake up and see their buddy. You’ve got this Kristina!
Brittany C says
Just found out I’m pregnant with my 4th! I have a 5 year old, 2 year old and 1 year old now. Reading this has given me SO much relief. Thank YOU!
Erin says
You’re so welcome! Hang in there, mama. It’s all gonna be great 🙂
Ellie says
Hello! I had 4 in 3 years. My last pregnancy was (you guessed it!) TWINS!!! So I had 4 little ones. Still do. Everything she says is true!!! And very important. If you do it any other way you’ll soon realise that this is what you should be doing! Or else there’s no me time AT ALL. Rising at 5 is good for moi. Enough time for a coffee, shower, hair and teeth done. Work out (15-30 mins) and go on treadmill for 10 minutes. Then prepare brekkie for the monsters who are about to wake. My rule is. IF NO ONE HAS WORN IT OR PALYED WITH IT IN 3 months it goes in the BIN. I do the bin clean out every quarter of the year. I’m starting to think I should have my own blog at this rate. Having 4 kids in 3 years. I’ve got many tips believe me!!!
Erin says
You should!
Kween says
Erin, you may not know me but I feel like you looked through the window of my home when writing this. I am a mother of 4 as well. Ages 14, 8, 5 & 4. It’s even harder without an active or consistent father. But I feel so much better about myself after reading this. I beat myself up daily because I feel like I’m never doing good enough for myself and my kids especially since I’m always more tired, cranky & overwhelmed than I am happy. You have given me HOPE! I have taken so many notes and I am excited to immediately start working on the advice you have given to become a better me and a better mommy.
Thank you for taking time out of your life to help & share.
Erin says
I am so glad it resonated, and you found it helpful. Hang in there, mama!