11 Tips & Tricks to Managing Life With a Newborn and Toddler

11 Tips & Tricks to Managing Life With a Newborn and Toddler

*This post may contain some affiliate links for your convenience (which means that, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase after clicking a link I will earn a small commission)  Click here to read my full disclosure policy.

11 Tips & Tricks to Managing Life With a Toddler & Newborn Baby

Preparing for a newborn when you already have a toddler makes you ask yourself a lot of questions. Like How will I cope with 2 kids? What do I do when they’re both crying? How can I love a new baby as much as I love my kid? What on earth were we thinking? Trust me, I feel you 100%. But I’m here from the trenches to tell you that not only is it going to be “fine,” it’s going to be amazing. You’ve just got to know what to expect and arm yourself with a few tips on managing a newborn and toddler. 

I’ve had quite a bit of experience dealing with a toddler and a newborn. My oldest was just 5 months old when I found out I was pregnant again (just remember that for 99.8% birth control efficacy, there is a .2% *raises hand*).

Okay, I was terrified.

And I *may* have cried on and off for the next two weeks as I tried to get my head around what was about to happen. I was barely feeling kind of human again. And then, suddenly, I was in for round two of the complete unknown. In the coming months, I was going to be a mother of a 14 month-old and a newborn.

I’m not going to sugar coat it. There were definitely some rough moments. But while it certainly had its challenges, it was actually pretty dang fantastic. So much that we kept going: Rosie came 2 years later, and Lulu followed 16 months after that. Yes, my oldest was just 4 when my 4th child was born. 

Newborn Baby & Toddler Survival Tips From Mom of 4 Kids 4 And Under

Every Child and Every Situation is Different

First thing to remember is that each child will respond differently to a new baby sibling. My 4 kids ALL have very different personalities and responded very differently based on personality and birth order. Your babies come with their personalities ready to delight and frustrate you. So some strategies may be amazing for one kid and practically useless with another. The goal is to prepare yourself with as many tools in your bag as possible so you are ready with what you’ll need. This is 100% my parenting philosophy with everything. 

11 TIPS TO MANAGING LIFE WITH A NEWBORN AND A TODDLER

BEFORE BIRTH: PREPARING YOUR TODDLER

1) Help your child understand that a baby is coming

You can use pictures, talk about other babies you encounter, or even get a baby doll. Take opportunities to talk about the baby growing in your belly and about having a new baby in the house.

WhIle you may be certain that your child doesn’t understand (which may be true), you never know what is sinking in. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been blown away by how much my little ones understand. No harm in trying. 

2) Have a gift (from the new baby) for your toddler at the hospital

The first time your child sees you with the new baby can be very upsetting for them. If they immediately get a cool present that you make very clear is from the new baby, this can ease the experience. And its helps them have good feelings associated with the baby. Ideally, the first association they have with the new baby is the excitement (helped by getting some fun gift). An important key is to make sure the kid knows it’s from the baby. Build it up big-time.  

LIFE WITH BABY

3) Focus on your toddler in the first encounter with the new baby at the hospital

Just like with your first, once you are handed your second child, you will not want to let him/her go. Your heart will grow a few sizes and you’ll want to get in your maternal cocoon and just bond. This is perfect and natural. But when dad or grandma comes in your hospital room with your toddler, switch your focus to your toddler as much as you can. Hand the baby off and snuggle your toddler and get out the present from their new baby.

Again, this can be a really jarring experience for your toddler and you want to do everything you can to ease the blow and help them have a happy, loving experience. 

4) Help Your Toddler Feel ownership over the baby

One of your main goals is to make sure that the toddler doesn’t feel “unseated” by the baby and instead feels excited about a new sibling. Involve them in everything you can. Have them feel like they’re helping in diaper changing, feeding, clothing etc. Depending on age and ability, they may not actually be very helpful, but help them to do what they can. This helps them feel big and important and–most importantly–needed by you. It also provides a natural way to teach your toddler the correct way to touch and handle the baby. Example language you can use:

  • “Can you get mama a diaper? Good job! You are such an awesome big sister/brother! What a great helper!”
  • “You are a big girl/boy. Our baby is so little. We need to be soft and gentle with the baby like this [model behavior]. Can you touch the baby nicely? Good job! You are such a great big sister/brother!”

5) Be Patient With Misbehavior

For a lot of children, this can bring a period of real insecurity. The routine and foundation they have known their whole life has totally been upended. When that happens, children often act out in order to get the attention that they desire. This is completely natural. So be as gentle and loving as much as you can. Sometimes it’s going to be really tough. You will be sleep deprived and completely exhausted. But do your best to remember that this can be equally as tough for our little sweeties.

6) Praise Whenever You Can

Build up your little one with lots of praise for when they interact with the baby and for all the “help” they give you and. This will encourage them to continue positive behavior. In the delirium that can come with a newborn, it can be hard to remember. But try to keep it in mind.

7) If both are crying, don’t always rush immediately to the crying baby

Though you are pregnant with number 2, maybe you can’t imagine loving anyone as much as you love your child. I know I did. You may even question if there will be enough love for your 2nd child. Don’t worry, mama. Rest assured that your baby is going to be your new obsession and you will be madly and miraculously in love.

You will rush and jump at every single cry. But there will be times–many times, in fact–when both of your kids are going to need you at the exact same time.

This is the really tough part.

Your instinct may well be to immediately meet the need of your newborn. After all, your newborn is completely helpless. And your toddler is capable of waiting a few minutes while you tend to the baby.

The problem is that your toddler has been #1 since birth and being abruptly unseated is a terribly jarring experience. If suddenly you are always rushing to the baby–if they’re always coming in second–your toddler may very well act out with misbehavior. And, as a result, he/she may even have animosity for the baby. Be aware of the messages you are sending your toddler.

When both are crying, sometimes you should run to your toddler first. You gauge when that is possible and when the baby can wait just a tiny bit. Even if it’s just a quick 10 second snuggle and kiss before you rush to the baby, show your toddler that he/she is important.

Now, I am of the mind that it is impossible to hold a newborn too much. My mom jokes that I never ever set my babies down. I’m 100% all about meeting every single need in the beginning–it’s how to raise confident and content children that don’t needlessly cry. What I’m saying here is your baby can sometimes cry an extra 5 seconds while you show your toddler his/her importance.

8) Don’t Punish Curiosity

Your new baby may be endlessly fascinating to your toddler. Babies are interesting things! While we want to be sure and teach our children correct behavior with the newborn, we want to be careful to not punish mere curiosity.  

I was working in the kitchen, my newborn on the floor in an infant bouncer when I suddenly heard her gasping. I turned to see my 14 month old in top of her. Frantic, I pulled my toddler off immediately and started getting after her for hurting the baby. While the baby simply took a nice big breath and was perfectly content, my tender-hearted little toddler was completely and utterly inconsolable.

She wasn’t trying to hurt her. She was simply curious. As I held her and loved her while she sobbed, I realized that I needed to better gauge her intentions and help guide her obvious curiosity. Her curiosity was a perfect opportunity to teach her appropriate behavior. 

9) Be Gentle With Yourself

The adjustment from 1 kid to 2 can be huge. There is a good chance you will be late everywhere you go. Getting out the door will be tough and may even seem impossible on some days.  Between toddler tantrums and baby diaper blowouts, things are simply going to take longer. Plan for extra time and be gentle with yourself. Lower your expectations and be kind with yourself. 

Seriously, some days just keeping everyone alive will be a major accomplishment. I still feel this way on some days!

10) Ask for Help & Plan Time For Yourself

As much as you adore your kids, you will need an outlet and a reprieve from the 24/7 mothering. Or you may end up wandering the streets in your pajamas and muttering to yourself. You will need some help. In my experience, people are waiting for opportunities to help, but need to be asked.

Get a friend to come over and hold the baby for 30 minutes while your toddler plays so you can get out for a bit. Dad should be ready to make sure you get some self care time everyday. Take a nap, or a bath, go for a walk/run, go to Target by yourself, or do whatever will bring you a bit of peace.

You NEED time for yourself. It’s not selfish. Self-care is a need, not a luxury. Check out my Self-Care Survival Guide here.

11) Take lots and lots of deep breaths

Mama, this stuff is not easy. You will have moments of supreme happiness and overall, it’s awesome. But not always. You only have 2 arms and so much energy. In those crazy moments where everything is going wrong and everyone (including you) is in tears, breathe deeply and remember that this time won’t last very long. 

And when it’s gone, you’re going to miss it.

Take care, friend. And let me know how it goes in the comments or at erin (at) theincrementalmama (dot) com.

Newborn Baby & Toddler Survival Tips From Mom of 4 Kids 4 And Under

14 Baby Products That You Need Immediately

14 Baby Products That You Need Immediately

*This post may contain some affiliate links for your convenience (which means that, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase after clicking a link I will earn a small commission)  Click here to read my full disclosure policy.

14 Baby Products That You Need Immediately

Let me tell ya, there are a lot of completely useless baby products. Wipe warmers, baby bedding sets (newsflash: you only use a fitted sheet), baby powder (as far as I’m concerned, it’s just a cheap dry shampoo replacement)…there’s so many things you will never use. But on the other hand, there are products that you will not be able to live without. After having 4 babies in under 5 years, here are the absolute best baby products. Products that make my life so much easier.

14 Must Have Baby Products

1 ) Baby Bjorn carrier

I’ve used about 5 different carriers with my kids. Two are clear favorites–and the baby bjorn is one. Here’s why: 

  • You can use it almost from birth (8lbs and up).
  • It’s really easy to figure out and put on. And let’s be honest, if it takes forever to figure out a carrier, you may not use it much. And dad will probably never even attempt.
  • It’s great for dads as it doesn’t look feminine and, as stated above, it’s so easy to put on.
  • Baby can face in or out (once they can hold their head up)
  • You can clean and take care of household duties while still comforting your little infant. The sleep deprivation with a baby is real and super intense. Taking care of the house tends to go down the tubes, which makes mama feel pretty crummy. But with this bad boy, you can comfort your little baby and have 2 hands to get stuff done. I wear this around the house ALL the time when my baby is little. For me, Baby Bjorn definitely equalled happy baby and cleaner house.

Because baby grows out of this one by about 15-20 lbs, it can’t be used forever. Which is why I love…

2)  Ergo Baby 360

The Ergo Baby 360 is another one of the best baby products around. Once baby can wear the Ergo Baby without an infant insert (which I just do not like, personally), the Ergo Baby is my favorite carrier and can be worn until baby is a whopping 33 lbs. Like the Baby Bjorn, baby can face you or face forward. And because the baby’s weight is resting on your hips, it’s very comfortable and even wearing a toddler won’t kill your back. While it may seem tricky at first to put it on, it will quickly become second nature. 

3) Backpack diaper bag

Finding the right diaper bag was like dating for me. I had to go through a lot of duds before I figured out which one I wanted to settle down with. For me, no matter what bag it is, it needs to be a backpack. I need to be able to run and I need the use of both my hands without a bag getting in my way. After no fewer than 10 diaper bags–a few Petunia Pickle Bottom bags (which are ridiculously expensive), and various Amazon buys, I finally settled on this Herschel backpack in raven crosshatch. It’s not actually even a diaper bag, It’s just a high quality backpack that has held up really well for the last 2 and a half years.

I love it because it’s super functional. I found that I never actually used all the weird pockets that came with all my diaper bags and just threw everything in the middle. I use the front pockets for my wallet, cell, phone, and chapstick. Then diapers, wipes, and snacks in the big part. I put a diaper changing pad in the laptop pocket. It’s perfect and my husband has zero qualms about wearing it around town.

Here are some other great Backpack Diaper Bags (that will not break the bank):

4) Brica goPad Diaper Changing Pad

As a new mom, you will find yourself changing diapers all over the place. If you are lucky enough to find a diaper changing station, it’s probably crawling in germs. So you need a pad to laydown. This diaper changing mat is by far, the best I’ve used. It’s basically a portable changing table. It’s durable and has pockets for diapers, wipes, and even diaper trash bags. We throw this in the diaper bag or keep it in the living room to make a sanitary diaper changing station (since the changing table is upstairs). It’s super durable, can be wiped clean, and can be thrown in any bag as a complete diaper changing kit.

 

5) OXO Tot Waterproof Roll Up Bib

Once baby is self feeding and making the most epic messes possible, this bib is a lifesaver. Hands down, one of the best baby products on the market. I like any old cloth bib when they first start feeding (so I can use it to wipe their little faces), but once they are grabbing finger foods and going for it, this bib is where it’s at. The pocket really catches a lot of the mess that falls from their little hands and mouths. It’s comfy around their little necks and it rolls up for easy storage or throwing in a diaper bag. My 1 year-old loves it because once she empties her high chair tray, she goes back for more in her bib pocket 🙂

6) Pacifier clips

It took 2 kids to learn this (I can be a slow learner sometimes, folks). Pacifier clips will save you so much grief if your baby uses a pacifier. These are some of my favorites and can be used with most pacifiers.

7) Aveeno Baby Products

These are the best baby products for bath-time, no question. Other soaps can be hard on baby’s skin–even if it’s advertised for baby. My pediatrician recommended Aveeno products for my babies and frankly they’re awesome. It’s perfect for sensitive baby skin. I love the lotion, baby wash, bath bubbles, and oatmeal bath (especially for my little one with eczema). Their products are fantastic.

8) Earth Mama Organic Diaper Balm

Hands down, this is the best bum cream out there–and I’ve used sooo many. Instead of just protecting the skin (like Desitin), this stuff heals it. And it smells awesome. A bit pricey, but a little container goes a long way and it can last a long time. Cloth diaper safe, too!

9) Sound Machine

When you are sleep deprived and have a small baby, you will pretty much do anything to help them sleep. For us, noisemakers were really helpful in soothing our babies, covering up other noises, and also signaling nap or bedtime. We’ve used them from the start. 

10) Mirror for car seat

I can’t tell you how many times I’d be driving and convinced my baby stopped breathing because I couldn’t hear her. But then I could look in the rear-view mirror at this handy dandy backseat mirror and see my baby’s tummy reassuringly rise and fall.This mirror is a must, if you will be driving around at all. You’ve got to be able to see your rear-facing baby. It brings so much piece of mind.

11) Boppy Nursing Pillow

As I’ve nursed all 4 of my babies, the boppy nursing pillow was completely essential to comfortable nursing. I’ve loved it. Side note: Also makes a great lap pillow to rest your hands and book while reading!

12) Comotomo Baby Bottles

These are the best bottles for breastfed babies. We call them them “booby bottles”, ’round these parts. They do a really great job mimicking the breast for the baby. My babies that took bottles loved them and had the easiest time drinking pumped milk from them. A little pricey, but totally worth it, imo.

13) Munchkin Formula Dispenser

If you will be doing any formula feeding, then this is a must-have baby product. Each compartment of this formula dispenser hold an 8oz serving. When I was out and about, all I had to do was pour the contents of the compartment into a baby bottle of water, and voila! Milk for baby. Can also be used to dispense snacks like cheerios.

14) Portable Baby gate

Once baby becomes mobile, your realize what a death trap your house is. Baby gates are handy for keeping baby away from danger zones or simply containing them in one room. This one is a fantastic and economical choice. Our has lasted almost 6 years! 

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